Through the eye of the Keeper

An Open Letter

2009-09-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

Dear ......

You have given me so much metaphor but why can’t I write it down? I have listened to your every story and actually learned a lot from them, it was magical and I got addicted to your presence both physically and technologically. I started falling from day one. The hardest part is the acceptance that we can only have this friendship, and I chose to respect your offer because maybe in the end your right. I began missing you when you started to change bit by bit everyday. I felt the changes and it scared me. How cliché is this but really, “change is the only constant in this life”. I wanted to hold on to those memories we’ve shared. It’s still very much clear in my mind. Call it Love, obsession, or what not; all I know is that I’m happy when I see you, when I hear you, when you have time with me. You said you didn’t want clingy people, you start pulling off when you feel the needy part of the relationship. I was too afraid to show you I am actually needy, clingy at that. But I tried to fight it because I didn’t want to lose the connection, our so called friendship.
Tonight my thoughts on you again, I miss you tonight and what gives? The sad part is I can’t do anything. I can’t even say I miss you or I love you because I know you’ll only say “Sayad lang?”
The hardest part is letting go of this love that I know is the most natural feeling that I have in my system. It’s like acting the whole time, a façade that seems normal, because I also wanted to believe that I’m ok. But I know in this lifetime I have loved but didn’t lose, because I was fixed…

Thankful,

Peter Lyle

I wanted change...

2009-03-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

The energy for change is too strong, i have been dreaming about it for 3days now. I want to move. To be able to start something new. The focus is for myself. I want to give up my comfort zone and i feel that the timing is just right. Start something that would have greater meaning than what i actually have.

I'll start to keep a list of things that i want to achieve this year. A new year for me as i turn 31 this 19th. Hopefully with lots of prayers i would achive these goals. Give me some energy!!!

Photo Source: www.zerrintekindor.com

Again again again! c",)

2009-03-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

I soo miss my blogspot! Resurrect the dead! hahaha! My birthday is coming up and i think i have lots of things to write about. Well no promises. But i'll try to keep up. Missing my friends mucho! c",)

I wanna be a Supermodel! c",)

2008-05-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

Strike A Pose!!! Click click...

I have always wanted to do this. Post some of my crazy sexy pix taken by my friend Nadz. Oohlala O% gym; 100% all natural flabs & love handles! Lol c",)

Special Thanks to "Kuya" my favorite korean retailer in Divisoria...for providing my cheap clothes harhar!!!

Board Shorts: Php80

Fake D&G underwear: Php130

Low neck Knitted Longsleeves: Folded & Hung on sale Php250

Enjoy the rest of the summer everyone! Mwahugs! c",)

Weekend Snapshot

2008-04-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

Bonding, friendship, relaxation, laughter & a great place called Dakak! Now that's what i call FUN! c",) Have a great Week ahead everyone! Kisses!

Karisik Mavi

2008-04-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Just want to share the Art Photography of Karisik Mavi, great work! c",)

Source: funlok.com

Pssst I have a story to tell...

2008-04-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

It all happened last night. It was a boring ordinary night in my life when I can’t seem to focus & I lack interest in just about anything. I tried watching DVDs after watching American Idol, but I can’t even appreciate a good movie. I switched the TV & DVD off & decided to just dozed off & sleep. But even sleep does not interest me or is not interested with me. C’mon I don’t know what’s in my head. I have to decide what to do for the night. No rush…just think & focus.

I decided to go to Butterfly, a friend’s bar. Got my laptop as my ever reliable non-complaining companion, & just hang-out with whoever is at the bar. Lucky me there are some friends I know just chillin’ at the Bar area.

It was around 11:30 pm when I was about to go home, suddenly of all mysteries the late comer would interest me. I would say he got my eyes. I opted to stay a little longer. He was alone, in a little melancholic manner as I vibe it. I caught a stare & that was my go signal. It was as if I’m back in high school again, struggling whether or not to make the first move. Funny I went to the comfort room twice in 15mins. for what, for comfort? LOL! Finally got all my guts to approach him & introduce myself. Pls. note that it’s actually my first time to do this. Late bloomer I guess. Tell me what you think?

Here goes:

Me: Hi! Uhhhh solo? Or your waiting for someone?
Him: Yup solo.
Me: People inside seem to worry your alone here.
Him: (gives a smile) I’m ok.
Me: Can I have your name?
Him: Nick.
Me: Lyle.
Him: ahh Lyle.
Me: So if you need company feel free to just get inside, join the group.
Then I left. Lame first try!!! Ughhhh! I should have offered to keep him company, just the two of us.

But I hope there’s second chance serendipity. Grab grab grab! C”,)

Gray Man's Enigma

2008-04-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

The gray man stands
In gray skies & absent stars
In all sorts of gray garment
Stripes to plain to printed

Consternation struck
Disparagement not I
In blue jeans spirit
Though not foppish
For the irony of it
I cannot see

In gray closefitting garment
Mixed masculine perspiration
With blue jeans spirit

How I long for
How I come to remember
That gray man sleeping beside me
That gray man waking beside me
That erratic gray man
Who is not beside me anymore.

Source: funlok.com karisik 005

Wordless Wednesday #03

2008-04-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

Source: funlok.com

Surfer Dude Anyone?

2008-04-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

Professional? Amateur? Naah peeps, i wish i could at least ride 1 good wave & I'll be fine for good. hahaha! I miss my friends in Aparri! If i can only have a month long vacation then maybe, just maybe that dream of riding just 1 wave in this lifetime would come true.

Well i opted this safe-anti-risk life in the city, the usual thing, do what is expected of you. Finish College then start to work your ass out. Sometimes i envy some of my friends who really doesn't care much about the future but live their day to day life with family & friends. But i also wonder what their problems are. I opted again to be independent & push myself to the limits, i wonder if i can do more. In time I'll take risks. Try a new career path maybe or just bum around. Lol.

Midnight Madness

2008-03-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Mood lamp tops the desk of eternal nothingness.

Blue paraffin oil consistent of the existence of the unseen.

Why not green or red, or yellow perhaps?

Crystal traps clear & clean smoke.

A fire flickering blue under the yellow haloed sunset cone.

Picture Source: candelariahotel.com

Wordless Wednesday

2008-03-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Source: funlok.com

Weekend Snapshot 02

2008-03-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

Ride in a yacht? Naah! It would be too social climbing-ish to claim. Hahaha! Just a small ferry on our way back to Subic mainland & then back to Manila.

Happy Easter! God Bless everyone! & Have a great week ahead after a very long weekend! Back to reality peeps, Work work work!!! C”,)

Reality Bit Me

2008-03-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

Transitory stage? It means having to experience / deal with something new or in a limbo? Age 30, transition period? Are you kidding me? Too much drama if I actually admit to myself that I feel that my emotions are too high nowadays. Do I really need to fix my life now? Fix? Has it been broken? I don’t think that’s the right term for that, it’s not as if I don’t have direction in my life. Come to think of it, I do have direction, the proper one I guess, the pressure that I give myself is just too much. I need to relax & focus as to what I want to achieve next. Setting goals now that’s the correct term. I have not set goals in a very long time, maybe it comes with age & attached to it is maturity. Love that word MATURITY! I wish everyone would have that sense of maturity & responsibility to all actions & reactions that are given or showed in our daily living. Kinda preachy huh? Naah just a dream, so that this world that were living in would be a better place for all of us. Hahaha! Just a thought.

I want to have my own internet connection. It’s Easter Sunday though & I’m still in the province & of course Aparri as always is true to its Religion & traditions. No internet cafes are open for me to post at least one. C”,) Gotta go hit the beach. Never mind the glutathione investment. Hahahahahahaha!

30 Crossroads?

2008-03-20T01:31:00.000-07:00

How I Spent my 30th Birthday...

Mar. 18, 2008 7:30 PM

My bus trip schedule should leave at exactly 7:30pm. Guess what it was delayed for an hour & 15mins. How lame EMC transportation! No wonder your company’s going down. Yes peeps I’ll be on the road for 16 hours max.

Mar. 19, 2008 12midnyt

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday Laydo! LOL It’s my 30th birthday & I’m still on the road back to my beloved hometown Aparri, Cagayan. After the first stopover in Bulacan, I swear I won’t go down the bus anymore. So I decided to buy myself some foodstuff & just munch inside the bus. Traffic at Sta. Fe area lots of vehicles on the road coz of the coming Holy wk. I mean it’s holy Wednesday already that’s why.

11:00 AM

Too much of a hassle really, I spent 11 hours of my birthday on the road daydreaming as if there’s no end to it. But at least I arrived safe & sound. I’m with my family at long 16 hours last! There, just a simple lunch with the family.

2:00 PM

zzzzzhhh! Slept for 3 hours & washed up. Hit the bike & to see old friends @ our hang-out still the same peeps around. If you’re single & fabulous surround yourself with family & friends & you wouldn’t ask for more. I did & It went well. Good for me. Hahaha c”,)

8:30 PM

Out with the guys! Toma a todo!

11:30 PM

Gosh it’s drizzling, lapses of Summer as a result of Global warming; no one can really predict the weather now…End of day gotta hit the Bed, It’s time to sleep tight coz it’s a very cold night. Kisses! C”,)

Age of Innocence

2008-03-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

Just want to share my Baby Pix...Cutie noh? That was 30 years ago. c",)

OMG Big 3rd World scandal!

2008-03-08T17:22:00.000-08:00

Ooooopsy not my scandal! Hahaha! Read on Peeps! c",)

I was out with my brother & with two friends last night for a simple Birthday dinner. It’s my brother’s 19th birthday. Happy birthday kiddo! After dinner, we decided to hang-out @ Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf of course for the free WiFi Access. Happy!

I always visit Bryanboys’ webpage whenever I’m online, for the simple reason; I’m a fan. I finally got the answers for all my questions, as to why he doesn’t have any new posts for two straight days. A new blog page is actually eating up all the time of online bloggers & readers, having gossip FIESTA because of a new blogspot, try to visit the link: http://delfindjmontano.blogspot.com… click click

And there it was an alleged swindling case of High society people, Gay couple at that. Man I can’t get enough of all the details because I’ve also seen this people over Malate parties when I was still a partyphile. But of course they’re the untouchables. LOL. And we were just mere audience. Instead of writing a new post, I was so engrossed in reading all the entries & man even the comments are fun to read. You be the judge people, this is really big. Have a dose of third world high society scandal. Enjoy reading! C”,)

Voluptuary

2008-03-04T18:07:00.000-08:00

Cheekiness envelopes your mind,
The afterglow saturates your soul,
The flirtations in the night,
But to offer none but the covert you.

Deliriously dauntless with the
Wild merrymaking,
Coquettishly but finesse,
Oh! The ignoble you.

And I, Trying to enrapture myself,
As a pegasus spreads his wings,
To cease the amaranth illusion of you.

Chasing Pavements

2008-03-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

Sure i'm a chick again! LOL Well I just laugh at my stupid mistakes, that's how it should be right? I call a relationship that is going nowhere FRIENDSHIP. How lame can i get huh? Having all the right signs, having to read all the signals sent, how can i still be in denial. Oh the Miranda in me! But let me just look at it at the bright side, stopping now would be the best thing to do. The so called right decision? Hopefully yah! As the song goes " should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere?" OMG big chick that i am, I'm wallowing again. But who cares?

Listen to the whole song by Adele entitled "Chasing Pavements" You'll learn a thing or two. I just did.

The most sincere SMILE ever

2008-02-25T01:36:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken by my friend Genedith, who was vacationing after 3 years from Canada. On her way back to Aparri last December 2007 from Baguio City, she saw this vendor selling eel on the highway. Took a snap & boy look at that smile on her face! c",)

Oh Happiness!

2008-02-13T18:48:00.000-08:00

Yes for the longest time i never felt this happy, seeing my childhood friends made me realize how human i can be. No false pretenses, just the plain simple me. Feb. 12, 2008, My friend Jon & his beloved wife Meah's Wedding day. Viva Aparrianos! Hahaha! Everyone was there to celebrate Jon's special day. How i miss old times, seeing my friends again, crack some corny jokes from time to time & just reminiscing the past, put everyone's mood on track. I wish i have more of this same moments again, to laugh my heart out to the simplest corniest attempt to humor.

My childhood friends, my history, my life back then. c",)

Happy Hearts day everyone! ( My first valentine being single again after 3 years! It's better to spend it solo than to spend it with the wrong one. Bitterness anyone? LOL! )

A Commuter's Tale

2008-02-07T16:52:00.000-08:00

I once read in an article, that the most unproductive time of the day is the process of commuting. I beg to disaggree. It's a matter of choosing to be productive even in that mobile & immobile state, if you know what i mean. Travelling to a destination warms you up to what to expect in a day. It drives you to be more positive, to look forward to a day full of surprises. Challenging as it may seem still gives you a crack of smile after a days work, or to conclude a fulfilled day. I for one pray while travelling, to start my day with a prayer is like having that sense of security & purpose for that day. After praying, there goes the long daydreaming. Well, that for one is free afterall. It's best to do all that while commuting rather than daydream in the office for all to see, but hope the boss doesn't. LOL.

Well riding in public utility vehicles isn't bad at all, taking into consideration how much money you can save, that's a commuter's life living in a third world country. BUT riding the MRT is a different story.

Have a happy weekend everyone! c",)

You, The User

2008-01-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

Aphorism clears my apprehension,
Lifelessness, anguish, swiftly
Turn to animation.
I was bewildered, now i come
To understand, and to understand more.
My eccentricity is basic but powerful,
Because i am not fiction
And does not entertain illusion.
I am not contagious,
But enigmatic.
That furtive glances you throw me,
Can mutilate the honorable user in you.

Weekend Snapshot

2008-01-27T04:50:00.000-08:00

Weekend Wedding Bliss. Allen, my college friend's wedding day. Taken exactly 10 months ago. Enough of the formal rituals. Real friends scores fun & horrifying shot at this one. But Nahh! It's just funny! c",)

Start the week right people! Have a great one! Kisses!

The 6th Stage

2008-01-25T19:32:00.000-08:00

What would you do if a past love suddenly haunts you back? After 6 long months of emotional roller coaster, having to experience: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & finally Acceptance (DABDA as we call it). The 5 stages of emotional state after a death or loss of someone close to you, someone special.
It started with a call, there's a bit of heart pounding moment, but after a while everything seem to be normal again. How i became numb & indifferent with words that has been said, or is it just my defense. I have always believed to face problems & new situations head on, & man am i proud to say, I'm practising it now & actually doing good at it.
How i precious my newly found freedom, my emotional independence. I have gained my focus again, i am given another chance at equilibrium.
Now i know what I'm worth. But when you don't experience the 5 stages of grief, let me introduce you to the 6Th stage. Suicide.

A Poem After Reading Ladlad (July 24, 1998)

2008-01-22T23:08:00.000-08:00

( For Peter Lyle )

Your reflection, my friend,
Is beyond mere eyes and mirrors.

Refrain from staring at yourself on a mirror,
You'll only find him,
Tall, dark and loathsome,
His ego as even as his skin
And his ambiguous smile.
Or her,
Full breasted and dressed,
Her make-up complementing her listless soul.
And her high-heeled shoes
That don't make her any taller.
Or yourself perhaps,
Throwing back a cold stare,
Frowning,
Because you're not one of them.

Close your eyes and see
How not being one of them,
Make you most fascinating.

( a decade old poem written for me from a friend Mr. John Paul Aguilar; UST Literature Batch 1999. )

Fashion Emergency

2008-01-21T22:37:00.000-08:00

Shop till you drop! But hey, not in my closet!
I received an email from my good ol' friend Anton, telling me that he doesn't have anything to wear for a very important interview this coming Wednesday. My reply was just to keep it "Neat & Simple".
Next was the call. He was really agonizing over the thought of appearing physically unpleasant for an interview. So i decided to offer some of my good old pieces & try to mix & match. It feels good to be my friend's personal stylist. (Mmm my dream actually to be a professional shopper or stylist harhar! )
We we're having so much fun putting things together, not realizing the raid of my closet! What pieces were washed out? 3 button down shirts; a Tommy; Banana Rep & my precious Ermenigildo Zegna. 2 vest from Kuya ( a korean retailer ); & 1 long sleeves low V-neck shirt that is really good for that Yuppy-ish look.
Helping a friend in need feels really great! But hey, I really need to have my Zegna back! c",)

I, The Tenor

2008-01-20T21:03:00.000-08:00

I was waiting for eight o'clock
As i waited, the slower the hands of time gets there.
At long last it was eight.
Yes. Excitement.

Low, husky, masculine voices i hear.
At long last they're here.

In circular form we sat.
In circular form we ate.
In circular form we drunk.

Comradely talks fill the air.
But alcohol intoxicates the brain.

You debunk deception.
I declaim defensively.
It was then an epiphany.
I should shut my mouth.

Low, husky, masculine voices i hear.
For the pitch of my voice does not make music with them.
Mine is higher than theirs.

In A Blur

2008-01-20T01:39:00.001-08:00

I thought it was Sunday yesterday, after a gruelling week of work work work. It's my restday actually ( R2 as we call it in the office for our 2nd restday for the week ) It was another lazy mediocre saturday afternoon full of nonsense, where the mind is idle or just plain blank. I felt a pang of melancholy air, inviting me to wallow over my present state. Funny how i didn't even try to fight not to be gloomy in a saturday afternoon! Right, i had plans, but my mind is keeping my body from moving. Uggh! What energy is wasted in being a couch potato in a day!

Then realization came, OMG Crap! I'm working on a sunday! Sad!

My Way Out

2008-01-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

I dream of an open space, where i can breathe easily.
Trapped inside a closet is a hard thing to experience.
I know i have to decide immediately.
I dream of an open space, not realizing the DOOR;
An easy way out.
To experience reality that doesn't need sweat nor exhaustion.
Come out easy, come out fast.
There's comfort, there's love.
For air is to life & life is to experience.